Final Fantasy 9 and 7 Deathmatch: Part 1
by Zidane0006
Summary: Final Fantasy 9 and Final Fantasy 7 FIGHT to the death. Which will win? Please Read and Review!


Disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy or any of the characters.   
Just want you to know so you can't sew me. (o;o)  
  
  
Final Fantasy VII & IX  
FF 7 and 9 Deathmatch!  
By: Zidane0006  
  
Announcers: Locke(ff6) and Squall(ff8)  
  
Locke: WELCOME everyone to FF Deathmatch, Where you'll   
see some of the most gruesome fights ever!  
  
Squall: damn I need some beer…  
  
Locke: umm Ok.. Here I got some Budweiser™, just don't   
drink too many. Ok?  
  
Squall: *gurgle *burp eh this shit pretty goo  
  
Locke: umm ok well the first match is between Barret(ff7) vs   
Steiner(ff9)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Barret: YO Chunky Im gonna open up a can of wupass on yo   
ass; piece of rusty dog shit!  
  
Steiner: CRETIN, I will Jam my Blade straight up your ass   
and will poke it out of your groin!  
  
Barret: Damn this shit lets hurry up and fight so I can kick   
jackass' ass!  
  
Locke: FIGHT!!!  
  
Barret was fierce and used his gun arm but it was out of ammo   
from fighting sephiroth so he had to fight with fists. Steiner   
tried cutting at him a couple of times but barret blocked with   
his stainless steel arm gun.  
Barret suddenly got a good punch in there with the gun so   
steiner had blood running down his face. BUT THEN HE   
TURNS TRANCE!!!!! Steiner gets up having his sword in   
hand cuts off barrets arm while barrets pissing his pants.   
Steiner reminded barret of the promise he made about killing   
him (jam his blade up his ass and come out the other side!) So   
now steiner did exactly what he promised and then barrets ass   
was spurting blood everywhere.  
  
Steiner: HAHA I am victorious! Damn it miscreant you got   
crap all over my blade!  
  
Locke: HAHA well looks like the blade sure paid barrets ass a   
visit. Right Squall!  
  
Squall: *knocked unconscious from too much alcohol  
  
Locke: well uhh I guess I wait until he regains conciousness.   
Until then we have another exciting match. Yuffie vs Freya!!!!   
  
  
  
  
  
  
Yuffie: hey, you know I hate guys but I love girls!  
  
Freya: Well your not getting your hands on me you lesbian!  
  
Yuffie: damnit I like you but I don't wanna fight.  
  
Freya: hehe good the win is mine…  
  
Locke:FighT!!!  
  
Yuffie wanted Freya really bad so she grabbed freya's chest   
and felt no tits! Yuffie was so pissed she thought freya was a   
man because she was flat chested. Freya took her spear and got   
a good jab in the leg. Yuffie didn't care because she was too   
overwhelmed in anger about the whole Freya=guy thing that   
she kicked Freya up the ass 200 times. Freyas ass hurt a lot.   
Her tail bone was broken. Standing in pain Freya threw her   
spear right at Yuffies face but missed. Yuffie Threw the spear   
back at Freya and impaled her in the head then she jammed   
her gigantic throwing star through Freyas chest. Blood was   
spilling and splattering all over. Then Yuffie as if impaling   
Freya 2 times wasn't enough she threw Freyas corpse in the   
Garbage disposal and grinded her up.  
  
Yuffie: NO MAN EVER FUCKS WITH ME!  
  
Locke: well we wont tell Yuffie Freya was a girl but anyways   
lets look at the score board : FF7=1 point FF8= 1 Point. So far   
itsa tie. What do ya think Squall is this exciting or What?   
  
Squall: gjahhhhjhag ah damn where the hell am I. My head   
hurts real fucking bad and I feel dizzy.  
  
Locke: WOW Squall is actually alive. I thought he was dead   
from alcohol overdose.  
  
Locke: Well this sure has been an exciting night! For The next   
fight we bring you…!   
  
  
  
  
  
Caitsith vs Quina Quen!   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Caitsith: ……………..  
  
Quina: Me gonna lick your ass inside out!  
  
Caitsith: ……………….  
  
  
Caithsith just standing there doing nothing but playing that   
irritating horn. Quina was so sick of hearing that piece of shit,   
she had to think of a way to make him shut up. She thought   
about her abilities for a sec. She was gonna eat caitsith so he   
couldn't play the piece of shit anymore. she grabbed that horn   
shoved it up caitsith's ass then caitsith was playing the horn   
through his ass. He was playing loud farts. Now Quina was so   
pissed she devoured him whole and then while caitsith was in   
stomach acid burning he recognized a bunch of frogs. After   
eating a huge cat and moogle Quina had the biggest case of   
dieharia in months. She sat on the toilet with her ass since it   
was so big, suctioning on the seat crapped out corpses and a   
horn. It was the worst smelling crap ever. To get rid of the   
smell Quina had to eat her crap. It was also the worst tasting   
crap Quina had ever tasted.  
  
Quina: Worst tasting crap in years.  
  
Locke: DAMN THAT WAS DIGUSTING. But anyways looks   
like the smell went away eh Squall.  
  
Squall:……………….whatever  
  
Locke: the next match is between Cid and Vivi!   
Cid: HAHHAA why the hell am I fighting a little kid.  
  
Vivi: *looking sad  
  
Squall: FIGHT…. Er somthin  
  
Cid asked vivi if he wanted a beer. Vivi replied "no" . Cid   
thought Vivi was really pathetic and called him a list of names   
such as ASSWIPE PIECE OF SHIT DONKEYRAPING SHIT   
EATER BLACKMAGE PIECE OF CRAP ASS MASTER   
PUNKASS SHIT HEAD MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
He hurt Vivi's feelings so Vivi torched his ass and used   
blizzard on his penis. Now cid had frostbite on his dick and hi   
ass was a roaring flame. Then Vivi sent a shock of lightning   
down to cids nipples until they popped off. Cid was in so much   
pain. Then Vivi's magic wore off. Vivi then torched his dick   
send a jolt of thunder to his ballsack till they popped out of   
their sack. He froze his ass. Now Cid wanted to kill himself   
because he lost his balls, his dick was burnt to a crisp, and his   
ass had frost bite. He Jammed his spear straight up his own   
ass. Cid was gushing blood everywhere.   
  
Vivi: don't ever make fun of me if you know what's good for   
you.  
  
Locke: damn! Remind me never to make fun of him. You too   
squall.  
  
Squall: ……umm ok.  
  
Locke: When We come back we'll have Garnet vs Tifa Zidane   
vs Cloud vincent vs amarant red 13 vs Eiko!  



End file.
